It is important to have someone in your life who can share your value system. When it comes to dating and relationships we often look for someone who shares the same interests as us. However, as time passes you realise that common interests do not play a vital role in the long run. It can be great for a while, but what’s going to help the relationship thrive are the values you share with your partner.
It can be the foundation values like trust and commitment, or long term values like your careers and marriage. But, when you have someone who can share your value system, the chances of your relationship being successful is higher. Thus, if you aren’t afraid of commitment and want a thriving long-term relationship then you should look for a partner who has the same values as you. So, here’s how you can do it:
To Share Your Value System, Understand Your Values First
In order to find a partner who can share your value system, it is important to first understand your values. From your personal values to the values you want in a relationship, you should consider everything in order to find someone who can share that value with you. So, few things you can consider are as follows:
1. Know Your Core Values
Your core values are the most fundamental belief that you have, and these beliefs are unique to everyone. However, your core values are the ones that can affect your decisions in the future. Your lifestyle choices, career choices and even religious beliefs, everything depends on your core values. So when you look for a date, it is important to understand what your core values are as an individual. If your values do not match with your partner’s, there are high chances of the relationship not working out.
2. Secondary Values are Important Too
Secondary values change as you grow older in life. It totally depends on what stage of life you’re in; however, your secondary values are still affected by your core beliefs. For instance, your values may change when you become a parent or when you’re married.
Be Open about Your Values and Expectations
When it comes to finding a partner whom you can share your values with, it’s important to communicate about what you expect from them. You can get along with a person who is similar to you. Or you can even get attracted to someone who is completely opposite, either way what’s important is to be open about everything. From your values to your expectations from the relationship, it is important to be clear in the initial stages of the relationship. Here’s how you can do it:
3. Be Transparent About the Future to Share Your Value System
Being in a relationship, your partner may want to move to another place when it’s time. If they bring the topic of moving in or moving to another city, it’s way better to clear out things at the moment. For instance, your partner may want to shift to New York in the near future. But you’re someone who loves being close to your loved ones. In such a situation, it is important to communicate your thoughts in the beginning as it will save you from misunderstandings after.
4. Observe Their Actions
A great way to figure out whether you and your date have the same beliefs is to observe their actions in times of difficulty. What choices do they make and what leads to such choices. Moreover, understand what they prioritize more, is it their family? Are they as religious as you are? Do they treat your family as theirs? Observing these points will help you understand a lot more about your partner. As a result, you can comprehend whether your values are similar or opposite.
Look For These Values in Your Partner
The value of one person differs from the values of another. And that will also be the case with you and your partner. Their values and beliefs may be different; their expectations from the relationship may also be different. However, there are some fundamental values when you are in a relationship, so look for these values in your date as it can define where your relationship stands. Some of the values you can look for are:
5. Trust is Important to Share Your Value System
The core of any relationship is the trust you have with your partner. Although it may sound a very basic value, it is indeed the most important one, because if you do not have trust then there is no meaning of the relationship.
You and your partner should be able to trust each other with everything and anything. And if you are with someone who constantly second guesses your actions or is sceptical then you will definitely be unhappy in the long run.
6. Dealing with Conflict
There’s no relationship out there that does not have conflicts in it. However, what’s important is how you deal with it. So, if you and your partner both decide to not open up and communicate with each other, then certainly the issue will not be solved but it can rather increase, or maybe create more issues. Thus, either of you should always be there to resolve a conflict.
There are people out there who do not believe in monogamy, and that’s okay. Because everyone’s choices and values are different. However, when you find yourself a date, it is important to ask whether they are ready to be committed or not. Such questions can avoid you any discomfort ahead.
For instance, if you date a person and get too attached to them only to later realize that they do not believe in monogamy. Well, that will be a bummer! So it’s better to clear such things ahead in time.
If you want to invest your time and efforts in a relationship, it is vital to find a partner who has similar values as yours. By this it does not mean that they have to agree with everything and anything you believe in. However, the fundamental values like trust and commitment should always be the same. In the end you should have a partner whom you can share your value system with.